NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK – During a particularly intense World of Warcraft dungeon, a frustrated Erika Moore yelled at her husband Herman to pause the game, so that they could go out to see a Broadway play.
“I’ve told her at least a thousand times that MMORPGs don’t fucking work that way. It’s like she wants my whole guild to hate my guts. They’d get slaughtered if I went AFK. I’m the healer, for fuck’s sake. Plus, if I told her to pause painting her nails so that we could go out to a bar or something, she would absolutely lose her shit,” Herman, AKA AwesumDragonSlayer69, the legendary Troll Druid, argued in vexation.
“I had been wanting to see a show for months and these tickets were a fortune. I swear, if that Goddamned laptop of his had a place to stick his dick in and a microwave, he’d never leave his room. Sometimes, I even catch him flirting with female characters. Is…is that what he finds attractive? Some big breasted Orc wench with an axe? The worst is the role playing. Jesus Christ, I’m just as adventurous in bed as any woman, but pretending to be aroused is impossible when you’re involved with a guy who screams ‘For The Horde!’ or ‘Tazdingo!’ when he climaxes. Why can’t he have normal fetishes? I’d even settle for that disgusting schoolgirl cliché. At least then, I wouldn’t have to dress like a fucking Night Elf whenever he’s feeling in the mood,” vented an exasperated Moore.
“Okay, first of all, forgive me for wanting to be a bit spontaneous after three years of marriage. And besides, could you imagine how boring it would be if two Horde members slept together? Where’s the thrill in that? There’s something rather romantic about opposite factions sharing a bed. It’s forbidden,” countered an increasingly defensive Herman.
“Wanna hear about romantic? Romantic is attending the premiere of the Warcraft movie on your fucking anniversary,” Erika retorted.
When asked about the possibility of marital counseling, Herman replied that they could not repair their union through such mundane methods. However, he assured us at The Millennial Snowflake that as a Level 80 Druid, he could cast Tranquility to restore balance, if their marriage became intolerable.
According to her attorney, Erika filed for divorce shortly after these interviews took place.