HIRAM, GA — Local white supremacist and janitorial expert Robbie Lee Mitchum listened intently as his literate friend read him Anti-Trump satire from the world’s most incredible source of fake news, The Millennial Snowflake.
Mitchum applauded many of the headlines, includings gems like Kim Jong Un, Trump Avert Nuclear War, Agree to Trade Hair Instead, Trump Says Standing for National Anthem “Reich” Thing to Do, Trump Names Joel Osteen White House Spiritual Advisor, and Trump Jokes that “Mexican” Hurricane Jose is the “Worst Type of Hurricane.”
However, Mitchum’s celebration took a turn for the worst when his literate friend dissected how each of the articles is actually intended to be a criticism of Donald Trump. While Mitchum was already distrustful of his friend for having good teeth and the ability to read, he grew enraged to hear him making light of “his President.”
Mitchum lit a tiki torch and began to question the friend about where his allegiances lie to which the smarty pants then told the white supremacist that he was actually testing him. After a brief game of “what race would you rather exterminate” to ease the tensions, Mitchum called his single cousins over to hang out, drink Pabst Blue Ribbon and circle jerk to Fox News.
And so the night ended with peace in the trailer park and dreams that white, AK-47 carrying Jesus told them they’re the superior race.