HOOVER, AL — Carter Bannon’s parents bought him a Jeep after he wrecked his Mercedes GLS. The teen was forced to drive the new Wrangler to school, causing him deep embarrassment.
“Most of my classmates are driving Porsches,” he said. “Hell, a few of them even drive Teslas, but here I am stuck in a Jeep like some public school chump.”
Red-faced, Bannon broke down sobbing as he explained that his “poverty-mobile” had cost him his prom date with Shannon Fitzgerald, head of the Hoover Young Republicans.
At press time, Bannon was considering wrecking his Jeep in the chance his lame parents will replace it with a sports car.
“I’m really working towards a Jaguar,” Bannon said.