Politics

TSA Agent Bids Cocaine Smuggler ‘Welcome Aboard’ Amid Govt Shutdown

RONALD REAGAN WASHINGTON NATIONAL AIRPORT — Andrew Harrison, who works for the Transportation Security Administration (TSA), reportedly welcomed a cocaine smuggler aboard a flight bound for Seattle on Wednesday.

“I mean, at this point, who the hell cares? My family and I are struggling to make ends meet. I’m having to take a second job, just to get by. They don’t pay me enough for this bullshit. In fact, they don’t pay me at all,” Harrison told The Millennial Snowflake in an exclusive interview.

“It’s not that I’m lazy,” he explained. “It’s just that I’m too busy worrying about my own family’s health and safety right now to really care about anything else. It’s a problem of motivation. If I stop a few extra drug dealers, do I get paid for my diligence? No? Then what’s the damn point?”

Harrison also told The Millennial Snowflake that he can’t help but see the irony of the situation.

“Supposedly, the government shutdown is about safety, right? Well, that’s pretty Goddamn funny when you think about it, because us government employees aren’t really all that concerned about national security right now. Won’t be long before a disillusioned FDA employee lets some vegetables tainted with botulism through the system, just because he can.”

“If I were you, I’d think twice before eating at that salad bar.”

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