Politics

Trump Moves to Pass Legislation Denying Businesses Right to Refuse Service to The Soulless

Sarah Huckabee Sanders is refused service for not having a soul.

At the behest of Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the former founder of the now defunct Trump Airlines, Trump University, Trump Steaks, Trump Vodka, and Trump Beverages Donald Trump moved to pass legislation that would deny business owners the right to refuse service to the soulless. “Sarah Sanders is a wonderful human being. She is absolutely terrific with a huge heart,” said former Apprentice host Donald Trump. “Whether she has a soul or not, the nasty people at the Red Hen had no right to refuse to serve her. She’s not gay and she’s not brown. They’re the real criminals.” When a top official informed Trump that being gay or brown are not actually crimes Trump asked if they could make a law to “fix that.”

“It’s sad. The Democrats want to put illegal aliens in prison and separate families and I work to fix what they started. And what does Trump get? Not a thank you. No, instead my dear friend Sarah gets told that she cannot get service. It’s sad,” said Trump. “I don’t have a soul and I would be denied everything if that’s what our world was based on. I vow to make sure that the soulless will be able to eat and do whatever they want — excluding the gays and the brown people and women. They don’t have souls either, but it’s just different. I’m talking about people people.”

If the Sanders Act — as the Administration is calling it — passes, then all government officials, lawyers, and pimps will be guaranteed the same service as humans that possess actual souls.

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