Politics

Trump Military Parade to Feature Journalists Being Ejected from Helicopters

WASHINGTON D.C. — On the eve of President Trump’s controversial military parade, an anonymous White House staffer told The Millennial Snowflake that the event will feature journalists and political dissidents being thrown out of helicopters.

“One day, Trump heard about tactics used by the military junta in Argentina during The Dirty War. He was particularly fascinated by the so-called ‘death flights,’ which caused thousands of deaths in the country. I remember Trump smiling in the Oval Office, saying that this is the ‘proper’ way of dealing with ‘the fake news media,’ the staffer said.

“I’d be willing to bet that these guys never had to put up with disgusting lies from the press,” Trump reportedly said with a chuckle. “Let’s do that. Publicly, so that everyone knows what happens when you spread anti-American lies in this country.”

According to the anonymous source, Senior Counselor to the President, Kellyanne Conway, drew up a list of “particularly dangerous” journalists and political commentators. She indicated that she wanted them brought to Washington D.C. in time for the Independence Day event. Many of the names on the list included correspondents from CNN.

“She made it very clear that she didn’t care how the journalists got here, so long as it was in time for the parade,” the staffer explained. “She said that she didn’t even care if the abductions were handled delicately, because ‘people will support the President no matter what.’”

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