Politics

Trump and Kim Play ‘F#@k, Marry, Kill’

SINGAPORE – In order to ease tensions prior to denuclearization talks, Donald Trump and Kim Jong-Un played a rousing game of “Fuck, Marry, Kill,” according to a transcript obtained by The Millennial Snowflake. 

“Vladimir Putin, Hillary Clinton, and Ivanka. Go!” Kim Jong-Un demanded, through his visibly uncomfortable interpreter.

“Well, we all know how I feel about Ivanka, so that goes without saying. That I can tell you. As for marriage, Vladdy and I really do have a connection, and I just feel like we could grow together as people, y’know? I can really be myself around him,” Trump answered, as he earnestly gazed at Kim.

“Shinzō Abe, Angela Merkel, and Justin Trudeau,” Trump said with a smirk.

“Well, Japan and the DPRK are sworn enemies. I bet the sex would be great. I’d marry Trudeau in a heartbeat, too. Sooooo dreeeaaaammmmyyyy,” Kim confessed, as he longingly stroked a gold locket with Trudeau’s face on it.

“I was really nervous at first, but their banter was great,” said the North Korean interpreter, Su-Jin Gang. “There are plans for a podcast in the works, called ‘The Dotard and Little Rocket Man.’ It’s going to be like The Howard Stern Show meets Korean Central News Agency newsreels. We can’t wait!”

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