Politics

‘This is Bollocks:’ May Bemoans Upcoming Meeting with Trump

WESTMINISTER, UK — In an emotional speech on Friday, Theresa May stepped down as British Prime Minister, effective June 7th. One of her final duties as Prime Minister will be to host President Trump on June 3rd, for a state visit that promises to be contentious and mired in protests throughout the country.

Trump and May plan to discuss Brexit, trade, and other important matters over a meal of charred steak and ketchup, reportedly the President’s favorite.

Anonymous sources within Theresa May’s cabinet informed The Millennial Snowflake that May is less than thrilled with the situation. In contrast with her “strong and stable” public persona, she apparently appeared to be ranting and raving in her office on Saturday.

“I came into her office after her speech to find her sobbing uncontrollably. When I asked her what was wrong, she confessed that she didn’t want to meet with the President and his family,” the source told us.

“This is bollocks. Haven’t I suffered enough indignities?” May reportedly moaned. “I’ve been forced to resign in shame, I failed to deliver Brexit on three separate occasions, and now, I have to meet with that wanker and his family of narcissistic buffoons. It’s too much. I just want to spend the rest of my days among the fields of wheat.”

May was particularly displeased when an aide informed her that Trump plans to bring his entire family, along with their spouses, to meet the Queen.

“Yeah, that’s just what Her Majesty needs. Give the poor old hag a heart attack, why don’t we?” inquired an exasperated May. “Why not have Prince Phillip give him a ride to Buckingham Palace, while we’re at it? Would save us all a lot of trouble!”

“This is just fucking fantastic,” she continued. “And we have to treat that Ivanka with the respect of a dignified stateswoman? Nonsense! I may not have been a perfect leader, but at least I was elected. That Trump has turned his country into a Banana Republic.”

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