Local

Terrifying! Man Makes Eye Contact with Fellow Subway Passenger

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK — Trevor Ayers, an editor for a local magazine, was headed to work on 42nd Street, when he briefly glanced at another passenger, Harry Johnson.

“I was really freaked out,” Johnson told The Millennial Snowflake in an interview. “I mean, there I was, minding my own Goddamn business, and this maniac just…..looks at me. What kind of deranged psychopath would do such a thing?”

Following a request for comment, subway authorities assured us that they are monitoring the situation, and have reprimanded Ayers for his “blatant breach of protocol.”

“You just don’t do that on the subway. It’s barbaric. Civilized human beings know to stare at the ground, and push women and little children out of the way to board. It’s a tradition!” Gary Erickson, an NYPD spokesman explained.

Although he has incurred a hefty fine and public ridicule, Ayers expressed no remorse for his actions.

“I’m sick of feeling trapped in a society that forbids human contact. We’re all preoccupied with our confabbed electronic devices, and we have no time for common courtesy. Ever think about why we bump into people on the subway? We’re just so desperate to interact with another human being that we just plow right into each other,” Ayers forlornly observed.

Ayers has also been advised to seek psychiatric care for his “delusions.”

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