All posts tagged "Jeff Bezos"
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2.0KTechOpen Letter to Jeff Bezos: Buy Twitter and Ban a Certain User
Dear Mr. Bezos, We at The Millennial Snowflake would like to take a break from our coverage of breaking news, in order...
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971BusinessJeff Bezos Breaks Into Abandoned Toys R Us, Tells Ghost Story of The Boy Whose Parents Wouldn’t Get Him A Toy But Now He Can Buy The World
The iconic toy seller Toys R Us will close down all 800 locations throughout the U.S. after plunging roughly $5 billion dollars...
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785BusinessTopeka Inexplicably Confident It Will Be Home of Amazon’s Second Headquarters
SEATTLE — Topeka Mayor Larry Wolgast excitedly called a meeting with his staff and told them to contact every reporter and news...
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659BusinessAmazon Vows to Only Send User Purchasing Habits to Government Upon Request from Now On
SEATTLE — Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos vowed that the online shipping juggernaut would only hand over its users’ purchasing habits to the...
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1.2KBusinessLeather-Clad, Shotgun Wielding Jeff Bezos Terminates Rogue Amazon Delivery Android
A leather-clad, shotgun wielding Jeff Bezos chased a rogue and fully sentient Amazon delivery android through his Seattle headquarters. The delivery android...
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6.0KBusinessJeff Bezos Announces Amazon’s New Lifetime Anticipatory Shipping
SEATTLE — Earlier this year, Amazon filed a patent for predictive shipping, which would allow the online shipping juggernaut to move products...
