Study: Starbucks More Addictive Than Marijuana; Without it Users “Can’t Even”

Researchers find that Starbucks is addictive with many users saying they "can't even" without it.

A recently published study determined that Starbucks is more addictive than marijuana. In another strong case for the legalization of marijuana, researchers were able to prove that marijuana is roughly as addictive as chocolate. On the other hand, Starbucks is, in the words of Lead Researcher Dr. Stephen P. Johnson, “the choice drug for white people.”

“We tested a number of Becky’s and Caroline’s and almost unanimously all of them said they ‘can’t even’ when we deprived them of their frappuccinos and other coffee preferences,” said Dr. Johnson. “Marijuana still has its addictive qualities, but only in the sense that if someone likes chocolate, they are going to want more of it. We didn’t observe the chemical addiction that we witnessed with Starbucks users. Many of the Becky’s also claimed they ‘can’t even deal right now’ when we took them off of their caffeinated beverages.”

The study found that Starbucks is more financially draining than a marijuana habit. “These poor creatures end up spending seven or eight dollars for these drinks every morning. Often they come back for more in the afternoon as well,” said Dr. Johnson. “My dealer sells me a g for $15 dollars and that usually lasts me a few days, so you do the math.”

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