CAMBRIDGE, MA — In what many are calling the single most shocking study of the 21st century, Harvard researchers found that people with face tattoos were more likely to have impulsive tendencies.
The research team tested one hundred subjects, most of whom happened to be Soundcloud rappers, by putting them in a series of scenarios that required self-discipline. Those with face tattoos failed the tests consistently. However, the control group, consisting of people without tattoos, thrived in these scenarios.
“We put the face tattoo group in a number of situations like giving them phones that were already opened up on Instagram with a butt picture on the screen. None of them could just scroll past without liking it,” says Dr. Edward Severyn, lead researcher. “Then we would go around from one person to another starting arguments, or as they call it in the hip-hop community, ‘beef.’ Every single time, without fail and on cue, the face tattooed group would inevitably fall into beefing.”
“It goes against every hypothesis I held,” says Severyn. “I was certain that with the clear, deliberate and thoughtful decision-making it would take to settle on getting a face tattoo — a lasting decision that shows serious commitment, surely, this group would be stable and highly rational in their thought processes. Instead, my findings showed that the face tattoo group is among the most impulsive of all the people we’ve studied. I’m simply speechless.”