WASHINGTON D.C. – Upon witnessing Melania Trump’s speech about her new cyberbullying campaign, satirists all over the country seemed perplexed and dejected.
“The fact that this woman completely lacks self-awareness isn’t funny; it’s just fucking sad and pathetic,” one writer from The Onion confessed during a meeting.
“I mean, how in the Hell do you cover something so blatantly obvious? We can write about how Slovenian immigrants don’t have access to Twitter, but Anthony Jeselnik would just tweet at us and completely ruin the joke. Little twerp,” Bob Smith, a contributor to The Millennial Snowflake, vented.
“We have decided that there will be a moratorium on all articles regarding Melania Trump’s cyberbullying campaign, until such a time as we can find a way to render total and complete obliviousness both palatable and amusing,” Connor Garrett and Carl Sweat IV wrote in a statement, on behalf of The Millennial Snowflake.
“We are nostalgic for a time during which politicians and their spouses were competent, rendering our jobs exciting and challenging. This is just depressing. We deatly apologize to our readers, but this kind of stupidity has no comedic value,” the statement concluded.