Report: Donald Trump is Hooked on Phonics

Donald Trump pretends to read.

Sources close to the White House say President Trump was absolutely furious after Sarah Huckabee Sanders read him excerpts from Michael Wolff’s new book Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House.

One criticism apparently disturbed the former reality television star above all of the others outlined in the book — the claim that the president cannot read, or at best, has poor reading comprehension skills.

Monday morning he tweeted, “I am the best reader. Believe me, I know books. Anyone who knows Trump knows I know how to read good. Nobody in the history of reading has read books like me.”

The former Trump University founder has turned to an unlikely source to address his reading problem, suggesting that perhaps there’s some truth to the claim that he’s illiterate. White House aides report that after seeing an infomercial for Hooked on Phonics, the president has been using the reading program for hours each day.

“The president has devoted himself to Hooked on Phonics,” says Sarah Huckabee Sanders. “Not that he couldn’t read or anything. But a genius never stops learning.”

The president is reportedly driven by a desire to read Fire and Fury all by himself. He has made some progress, yet he still has not completed a chapter book. Trump prefers “the books with pictures.”

“I’m so proud of him,” says Sanders. “Sometimes, I’m about to bring him a cheeseburger, but I can hear him sounding his words out through the door, so I just let him continue practicing.”

At press time, the founder of now defunct Trump Airlines ordered Hooked on Phonics flashcards, computer games, and music for his wife Melania, so the presidential couple could learn to read and write in English together.  


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