A shocking new study proves that the vast majority of man scouts are physically and mentally superior to boy scouts. In fact, The Millennial Snowflake Research Center (MSRC) estimates that 90% of man scouts are more competent in virtually every area than pathetic boy scouts. “They have totin’ chips,” said Man Scout Patrick Jefferson. “That’s basic. I was in the friggin’ Order of Arrow where I earned my Vigil Honor. I have the Silver Palm. I won the Paul Bunyan Woodsman for christ sake. I won the Heroism Award. A lot of these weak-minded boy scouts don’t even earned Firem’n Chit. Hardly any of them have on Arrow of Light badges, so clearly they weren’t hungry for it as cub scouts.” The MSRC ran a number of sophisticated tests pitting the man scouts against the boy scouts and in each scenario the man scouts far and away outperformed their younger counterparts. “It was sad to watch. The boy scouts went down like a sack of potatoes in the bare knuckle brawls. They were just as bad at wrestling and lumberjacking. The man scouts on the other hand, were on a whole other level,” said MSRC Researcher Carl Sweat IV. “There’s a reason I’m up for the Distinguished Eagle Scout Award and they aren’t,” said Jefferson. Coincidentally, however, researchers were unable to find any connection between man scout achievements and getting laid.
