Researchers at the Millennial Snowflake Research Center (MSRC), interviewed hundreds of Olympic athletes and found that a staggering 76% are hopeful that they can win their parent’s love.
“I feel like, maybe, just maybe if I win a gold medal, my mom and dad will love me,” said downhill skier Tanya Lewis. “It should be earned anyways, right? Unconditional love is a bit unrealistic from my experience.”
69% of the athletes said that they believe anything less than gold, won’t help them win their parent’s affection. Coincidentally, 95% of the parents of the Olympic athletes answered “strongly agree” in response to whether or not their sons and daughters were correct in their assumption.
“My mom would always say that if I won my ice skating competitions, we could get strawberries, which were my deserts back then,” said Sonya Mirotic. “But if I lost, I couldn’t have water or dinner that night. Truth is, it was probably for the best.”
The Millennial Snowflake Research Center reports that the athletes’ almost maniacal devotion to greatness and winning, can be attributed entirely to an attempt to gain the love and approval they never had in their youth.
At press time, the athletes who did manage to successfully win a gold medal were informed by their parents that “anybody can do it once, but true greatness is a habit, so talk to us when you win back to back gold medals.”
