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Pope Francis Rewriting Lord’s Prayer to Give It ‘A Hotel California Vibe’

Cool Pope Francis rewrites the Lord's Prayer.

The Pope revealed he is working on a full rewrite of the Lord’s Prayer — as he believes the current version is “lame and lacks lyricism.”

He said his update is really going for more a Hotel California vibe. The Pope also said the line “lead us not into temptation” is problematic because it lacks rhythm and any real dramatic emphasis.

“They stab it with their steely knives, but they just can’t kill the beast — now that’s a badass line,” said Pope Francis.

He added that the Lord’s Prayer, despite being memorized and recited hundreds of millions of times over the course of centuries by Christians around the world, is a little outdated.

“If we’re going to spread the Word of God, we must adapt with the times. Nowadays, you have to think, the Church isn’t just engaged in spiritual warfare to save souls. We have to compete with the Justin Biebers and the Miley Cyruses of the world,” said the Pope.

“On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair, warm smell of colitas rising up through the Jerusalem air,” said Pope Francis. “We can riff of the classics and really make them our own.”

The Pope’s comments, made in an interview with an Italian television outlet, are likely to lead to major changes to the prayer, which is taken from the Bible and considered by many to distill the core messages of Christianity.

The current version has been in use by the Catholic Church since 1966, when the Second Vatican Council decided modern language should replace Latin in the prayer.

However, the original text was written in Aramaic, which was then translated into Ancient Greek, and then into Latin, leaving room for the argument that it’s not a flawless translation as is. That’s perhaps some of where the Pope’s belief that it could be improved arises from.

At press time, Pope Francis was reportedly writing in a five minute guitar solo for the Lord’s Prayer to “really spice things up.”

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