CHARLOTTESVILLE, VIRGINIA – William Barrett, a devoted follower of the American Vanguard and ardent white supremacist, firmly believes that multiculturalism and Cultural Marxism will inevitably lead to the “downfall of the glorious white race.”
Barrett, who suffers from obesity, heart disease, diabetes, and who also has a clubbed foot, adamantly maintains that the so-called “white race” is inherently superior. As such, according to Barrett, a white person’s most sacred duty is to populate the planet with people who have no conception of rhythm, have an aversion to spicy food, and who believe that clothes from Old Navy and The Gap constitute sensible fashion choices.
“People say that whites have no culture. Ha! Don’t make me laugh! Where would the world be without such marvelous cultural icons as dubstep, Crocs, or pumpkin spice? The inferior races want to see a world without these bastions of white civilization, and we will not let that happen,” Barrett said, as he sipped his latte.
When asked how his bodily ailments and conginetal defect could possibly coincide with his views on eugenics, Barrett passionately argued that such diagnoses as heart disease and diabetes are a “Jewish conspiracy” to coerce white people into avoiding dietary staples, such as spam and potato salad.
“The health food craze is nothing more than a pathetically brazen attempt to make whites weak and impotent, by advising that we eat kale and use less mayonnaise. Absolutely outrageous! Mayonnaise is to the white race what ambrosia is to the Greek pantheon. Just as ambrosia allows the Greek gods to emerge victorious in battle, so too does our mayonnaise rich diet allow us to play Call of Duty for eight hours straight.”
Faced with inquiries regarding the future of the so-called “white race,” Barrett advised his brethren to remain strong, by avoiding such harmful Zionist influences as compassion, rational discourse, and vegetables.
