WASHINGTON D.C. – At a White House press conference, President Trump announced that he will appoint Orenthal James Simpson, better known as O.J. Simpson, to advise the White House on domestic violence.
“When I read the back cover of Mr. Simpson’s book, If I Did It, I knew that here’s someone who had a really good insight into domestic violence. He really understands what it’s like to commit horrible acts of violence against women. These insights will make him a tremendous advisor, that I can tell you,” President Trump remarked, to an audience of stunned reporters.
President Trump is no stranger to hiring controversial staff, but this is insane. What’s next? Casey Anthony leading an office on combatting child abuse?” Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) asked in exasperation on the Senate floor.
“Don’t give him any ideas!” A few of her Democratic colleagues called out forcefully.
“I’m very excited for this opportunity. I have so many wonderful ideas for how to stop domestic violence in our community. My first action will be to advise President Trump on a program I developed, called ‘If the Gloves Don’t Fit,” which would provide battered spouses with hand accessories,” O.J. Simpson enthused during an interview with The New York Times from prison in Lovelock, Nevada, where he is currently being held.
“With all due respect, how would that contribute to ending the domestic violence epidemic?” inquired Radha Maclyver, a reporter for the news outlet.
“Bitch, shut yo’ mou-. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Can we start again?” a visibly agitated Simpson begged, before being escorted back to his prison cell.