Noxious, Fuming Sludge Monster Going to Leave Toxic Relationships Behind in 2018

Sludge monster leaves toxic relationships behind in 2018.

A noxious, fuming Sludge Monster is reportedly going to leave all of his toxic relationships behind in 2018. He even posted a Facebook status about it with some very pointed barbs to help establish his new boundaries.

According to him, virtually everyone he’s around is toxic — friends, family, and acquaintances alike.

“I’ve seen all the signs. They keep score of favors. They make you feel like you should have to apologize for your happiness. They always seem to want something from you. They use the past against. They try to isolate you from your friends and family,” says Sludge Monster. “I’m just over it.”

Coincidentally, his supposedly toxic friends seem to agree that Sludge Monster is the root of his issues.

“He just needs to take a good, long look in the mirror. He’s literally dripping toxic waste, and yet we’re the problem? Give me a break,” says close friend John Wyatt. “’Sludge Monster is the common denominator between all of his unhappiness. For example, he’s the guy that empathizes with Taylor Swift over all of her exes. Does that tell you anything? It’s like, man, maybe you’re the problem and maybe she’s the problem in her own situations.”

At press time, Sludge Monster reportedly changed his Instagram bio to ‘Good vibes only.’

“He’s going to want to grab a drink in a few weeks,” says Wyatt, “but I don’t know if hanging around Sludge Monster is a good idea anymore. I wish him the best.”


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