Entertainment

Musician Completes Magnum Opus with Help from Vuvuzela Orchestra

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK – Edward Moser II, an avant-garde composer and Juilliard graduate, has completed his masterpiece after three years of tireless effort. The work, entitled “BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ in A Minor,” features a massive orchestra of over seven hundred vuvuzela players.

“I first became attracted to the melodious tone of the vuvuzela while attending the 2010 FIFA World Cup. There is something very minimalistic and poignant about its tone. I began to wonder if it would be possible to create a composition using nothing but vuvuzelas. A few years later, in 2013, I began composing with an orchestra of vuvuzela players, some of whom have unfortunately gone deaf. Four years later, I am proud to announce the fulfillment of a seven year dream: to provoke and inspire through the use of this woefully misunderstood instrument,” Moser wrote in the album’s liner notes.

Music critics have praised the piece for its daring, innovative structure.

“What astounds me most is the immersive atmosphere of the composition. If you close your eyes, it’s like you’re in a massive stadium, being serenaded by soccer hooligans, as they blare their vuvuzelas after a game-winning goal. Mr. Moser’s love of soccer takes center stage throughout this composition, as does his love of cacophonous plastic instruments,” Fred Abbott of ClassicsToday wrote in his appraisal of the work.

However, other critics were less enthusiastic, blaming Moser for his contributing to hearing loss.

“One fateful year ago, I took my wife to see a performance of ‘BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ in A Minor’ for our four year anniversary. I hadn’t thought to bring ear protection to a classical music venue, but I genuinely wish that I had done so. My wife became deaf after the crescendo of horns destroyed her eardrums. Inevitably, this caused a rift in our relationship. She blames me for everything. Even worse, I don’t know Sign Language, so I can’t even properly apologize to her. Burn in Hell, Edward Moser,” wrote an anonymous reviewer.

Still others have accused Moser of cultural appropriation, arguing that a White European playing an instrument with roots in South African culture is inherently insensitive. Many activist groups have gone so far as to call for a boycott of the work, referring to it as a “boisterous display of colonialist propaganda.”

Moser has denied this, pointing out that since its inception, the vuvuzela has been used by soccer fans of all ethnicities, who wish to express their love of the sport through the use of an instrument which sounds like a swarm of angry bees.

In response to his critics, Moser has decided to compose a new work. This piece will feature the accordion, bagpipes, and bulldozers. It will reportedly be entitled “Suck My Motherfucking Cock in F Major.”

To Top