CHARLOTTESVILLE, VIRGINIA – After a deadly terror attack at the so-called “Unite the Right” rally on August 12th, the alleged perpetrator, James Alex Fields Jr., has been charged with crimes ranging from second degree murder to failure to stop after a deadly accident. His mother, Samantha Bloom, recently spoke to the media, in order to make clear how hopelessly oblivious she is, as both a parent and a citizen.
“I didn’t know it had anything to do with white nationalism. I thought it was a regular Trump rally, where people just chant harmless slogans like ‘Build that Wall!’ and beat the pulp out of minorities and protestors. You know, good, old-fashioned family values. Waving torches around is completely unacceptable, but systematically oppressing the already disenfranchised masses? That’s just Making America Great Again,” Bloom said.
When asked how she could be so blissfully ignorant in regard to her son’s violently racist views, Bloom admitted that she was wrong, remarking that her son had veered from Trump’s “wholesome right-wing populism,” to something “actually dangerous.”
“The problem is that the alt-right have taken Trump’s positive ‘America First’ message and tainted it, by turning it into something fundamentally prejudicial. Trump’s agenda isn’t like that. He doesn’t hate minority groups, he just thinks they need to be forcibly removed from the country, so that hard-working white pe-, I mean, Americans, can achieve lasting prosperity.”
“When that socialist Muslim Obama was President, I always told him to wear a hood when he went to rallies like this,” explained Bloom. “But now that we have an understanding, compassionate leader like President Trump, we agreed that it wouldn’t be necessary. I guess that’s the thing we would change, if we could do it all over again….Did I just say that out loud? Fuck!”