ROSWELL, NM — 0001, also known as Adam, the first ever healthy and developed human clone was finally let out of his cage to celebrate his 21st birthday.
“I was feeling generous today,” said Dr. Ivan Pavlovic. “But as soon as I unlocked his cage, Adam lunged at me and tried to escape. Luckily I was able to subdue him and get him back in it. He cried for a while, but eventually he settled down after I poured him some vodka.”
Pavlovic has come under intense scrutiny from all sides for the supposed unethical practice of human cloning. His treatment of Adam has only intensified the criticism.
“I understand the concern,” said Pavlovic. “But Adam’s cage is very, very large. He can walk around in it, and I rarely run fear-inducing simulations to precisely measure the degree to which nature vs. nurture is in effect.”
Pavlovic claimed that in countries where stem cell research is unregulated or loosely regulated, the number of human clones are rising daily.
“It’s not a new practice. It’s kept quiet because it’s frowned upon,” said Pavlovic. “Have you seen Parent Trap? Lindsay Lohan’s clone was hiding in plain sight. Of course, they put her down right after the movie was finished. It really wrecked Lindsay witnessing that.”