Top Story

Man Stays In Florida During Hurricane To Take Care of Pet Marmoset but What the Fuck is a Marmoset?

Man stares lovingly at the pet marmoset on his shoulder.

MIAMI — Area man Genaro Dacosta is staying put in his Miami beach home during Hurricane Irma in order to take care of his pet marmoset. Dacosta desperately wants to evacuate and has been frantically calling authorities to get permission to bring his marmoset into a shelter — all to no avail. Unwilling to leave his pet behind, Dacosta is bracing himself for the destruction Irma will surely bring.

But more importantly, what the fuck is a marmoset?

We have no clue either, so we decided to interview five random people on the street and let you pick your favorite answer. Whatever answer you choose is what a marmoset is from now on.

Goofy-looking guy with pigtails smiles for his mugshot.

“I think a marmoset is some kind of ferret with big claws and extra sharp teeth.”

— Brock Jordan, 32, Sales Manager

Female optician prepares to give surgery to a patient.

“It’s a small little monkey with Einstein hair.”

— Janis Chopin, 42, Optometrist

Curly-haired ginger says cheese for the camera.

“Marmosets belong to the marsupial family. Their closest genetic relative is the kangaroo. Much like the kangaroo, they carry their young in pouches and can leap upwards of twenty feet in a single bound. Excellent climbers, marmosets, but very, very territorial.”

— Felix Hernandez, 29, Digital Marketer

Little girl with some type of hair disorder has picture taken.

“Definitely some kind of amphibious rodent.”

— Angela Wyatt, 22, Student

Trump supporter prepares to go fuck his cousin.

“Marmosets aren’t real. Fake animal. You’re fake news, too.”

— Montgomery White, 46, Unemployed


To Top