MIAMI — Area man Genaro Dacosta is staying put in his Miami beach home during Hurricane Irma in order to take care of his pet marmoset. Dacosta desperately wants to evacuate and has been frantically calling authorities to get permission to bring his marmoset into a shelter — all to no avail. Unwilling to leave his pet behind, Dacosta is bracing himself for the destruction Irma will surely bring.
But more importantly, what the fuck is a marmoset?
We have no clue either, so we decided to interview five random people on the street and let you pick your favorite answer. Whatever answer you choose is what a marmoset is from now on.
“I think a marmoset is some kind of ferret with big claws and extra sharp teeth.”
— Brock Jordan, 32, Sales Manager
“It’s a small little monkey with Einstein hair.”
— Janis Chopin, 42, Optometrist
“Marmosets belong to the marsupial family. Their closest genetic relative is the kangaroo. Much like the kangaroo, they carry their young in pouches and can leap upwards of twenty feet in a single bound. Excellent climbers, marmosets, but very, very territorial.”
— Felix Hernandez, 29, Digital Marketer
“Definitely some kind of amphibious rodent.”
— Angela Wyatt, 22, Student
“Marmosets aren’t real. Fake animal. You’re fake news, too.”
— Montgomery White, 46, Unemployed