MILWAUKEE, WISCONSIN – Charles Durmer, a 27 year old Starbucks barista, recently decided that he would no longer use any scented hygiene products specifically labeled “for men.”
“I just woke up one morning, and had an epiphany in the shower. ‘Why should only women get to feel good and smell nice?’ I asked myself. ‘Goddammit, I’m a grown man, and if I want to smell like lilac and daisies, then no one’s gonna stop me,’” Durmer said in an exclusive interview with The Millennial Snowflake.
Onlookers were stunned by Durmer’s decision, and it yielded mixed reactions.
“This man is a trailblazer, an innovator! He is truly the Rosa Parks of male hygiene. Finally, a man who has stood up, and valiantly bellowed, ‘We want to smell nice, too!’” Christopher McGowan, a cashier who works at the same coffee shop, told us.
Others were not so enthused by this “revolutionary olfactory act of rebellion.”
“Men should smell like men, and women should smell like women. It’s like….basic biology, or something. If God intended us to smell all fruity, He would have like….shoved a pineapple up our asses or something,” Michael Clayton, a 57 year old computer technician, remarked.
The Millennial Snowflake Research Center (MSRC) recently conducted research that shows that 85% of women actually prefer for men to use “feminine” hygiene products.
“It smells so much better than that AXE garbage. No, boys, that shit won’t make women want you. It makes us want to literally set you on fire; and we could totally do it, because it’s flammable. Why do you think so many of us carry lighters in our purses? Most of us don’t smoke. We’re just fantasizing about immolation,” Cynthia Davis, a 19 year old college student at the University of Wisconsin, said after taking part in the study.