MAYSVILLE, KENTUCKY — Robert Doverman, a wheat and tobacco farmer from a small community in rural Kentucky, recently sat down with The Millennial Snowflake to discuss what he refers to as his “evolving political views.”
“I used to think that welfare was just for free-loading immigrants and lazy minorities, but I have come to realize that the government does have a role in ensuring that its citizens are well taken care of,” Doverman said, before proudly displaying his shiny new red tractor.
“Yup, this puppy is all pimped out. Got her last week.”
“Does this political shift of yours have anything to do with the fact that farmers are receiving billions in government subsidies during the month of August?” our correspondent asked, visibly skeptical of Doverman’s apparent change of heart.
“Nah, the money has nothing to do with it,” Doverman replied dismissively. “I just realized, y’know, that the government isn’t all bad,” he explained, as he poured himself an expensive bottle of bourbon.
“All I know is that taxpayer dollars are working hard to take care of me, and not illegals. That’s all I really care about, at the end of the day.”