WASHINGTON D.C. — Following Brett Kavanaugh’s contentious confirmation to the Supreme Court, the newly appointed Justice has decided to throw a “totally awesome” keg party.
“Bruh, it’s gonna be sick. I’m talking beer and titties, as far as the eye can see. All of the proceeds will go to charity, and all my female friends from my youth will be there to support me. Y’know, because I respect women and all that feminist junk. We’re gonna raise the roof, and turn up the music very, very loud,” a triumphant Kavanaugh told Fox News on Monday.
“Partygoers are advised not to accept any drinks from anyone. Literally anyone. We’re serious. This is the legendary Bart O’Kavanaugh we’re talking about,” a member of Justice Kavanaugh’s staff, who wished not to be identified, told The Millennial Snowflake.
R. Kelly will perform at the event, which will coincide with the release of his new song, entitled “You Had Me at Please Stop.”