MIAMI, FLORIDA – After days of irrevocably ruining innocent people’s lives in Florida, Cuba, and the Caribbean, Hurricane Irma has decided to give back to the community, by reportedly destroying Milo Yiannopoulos’ house in Miami.
“People really seem to hate me. There was even a viral social media campaign to shoot at me. I decided that it was time to turn over a new leaf. I wanted to show the world that I’m not the depraved abomination that meteorologists make me out to be. When all is said and done, and my fateful journey across the Atlantic is finished, no one can say that Irma never did anything positive with her life,” Irma said in an interview. She also detailed plans to elaborate on her motivations for decimating the East Coast of the United States in a tell all memoir, entitled “Irma: Strong, Independent Hurricane Who Don’t Need No Man.”
The alt-right have spoken out against Irma, pledging to deport her, by placing high powered fans all across the country, until she blows away.
“You just try that, you brainwashed sheep. Keep this shit up, and my buddy José might just hit Bannon’s house next,” Irma defiantly threatened.
For his part, President Trump has strongly condemned Irma’s actions, calling the destruction of Yiannopoulos’ house a “terrible, cowardly act of terrorism.”
In response, the Commander in Chief is currently drafting a bill called “Milo’s Law,” which orders that taxpayer funds be spent on rebuilding supporters’ homes destroyed by natural disasters. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell praised the legislation, referring to it as a “tremendous victory against that bitch, Mother Nature, who wishes to destroy the lives of innocent fasc-, I mean God-fearing Republicans.”