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Inspiration Porn Leads to Motivation Ejaculation

THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA – All over the country, viewers have been tuning in to heartwarming human interest stories about children with cerebral palsy learning how to walk, or kids with hearing implants hearing a loved one’s voice for the first time. Mainstream media outlets insist that, far from being exploitative, these pieces allow people to put their lives into perspective.

“These children are so adorable, the pinnacle of tenacity. Our audience absolutely loves their speeches about how ‘handicapable’ they are, which are totally unedited, by the way. They serve as a way of reminding normal pe- I mean, members of our audience, to count their blessings. We hope that by showing these wonderful children in as flattering a light as possible, that we can start a dialogue, in regard to how brave these kids are for waking up every day and daring to show their faces to the general public,” explained NBC Chairman Bob Greenblatt, after parking his Ferrari in a handicapped spot.

When reporters protested that this unsettling trend of “inspiration porn” seems repugnant and ableist, Greenblatt issued a strong denial of the audacious claim.

“These kids aren’t being exploited at all! I mean, naturally, we can’t pay them, but we compensate them in other ways! Sometimes, we give them a pat on the head, call them ‘Good boy’ or ‘Good girl,’ and feed them biscuits,” Greenblatt clarified.

In regard to the charge that NBC’s programming whitewashes the daily struggles of those living with disabilities, Greenblatt was likewise defiant.

“We’re constructing a positive narrative, that’s all. If our segments focused on the real aspects of disabled life, how would neurotypical and able-bodied people be able to come away feeling all warm and fuzzy inside? Fuck, did I just give our plan away like a cheap cartoon villain? Uh, can we cut that last part out?”

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