PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA – As nuclear conflict looms over the Korean Peninsula, President Trump has run out of diplomatic options. Increasingly desperate, he has called his old political rival, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, to speak with Kim Jong Un about a possible deal regarding nuclear disarmament.
“It certainly is a long shot, but it seems like the only option that the President has left. Is it really so crazy? After all, years ago, former President Clinton did negotiate the release of several American prisoners in Pyongyang,” Press Secretary Sanders explained in a briefing.
For her part, former Secretary Clinton had her own reservations about the plan.
“I wasn’t sure how the logistics would work out. I don’t know much about the customs of The Hermit Kingdom. What do they eat there? Do they eat there? As a gesture of goodwill, I am planning to present Kim Jong Un with a pantsuit made of solid gold, studded with diamonds and gems. If that doesn’t prevent nuclear annihilation, I don’t know what will.”
However, after several days of intense negotiations, Clinton indicated in an email to the White House that “significant progress is being made.”
The Millennial Snowflake has obtained an official copy of the email, from which this excerpt originates:
“It was slow going at first. I was skeptical that I could ever make a connection with someone who seems so hellbent on our destruction. Strangely, he seemed almost happy to see me once he saw my attire: a navy blue pantsuit. I realized that could be a way in. I told him about my collection of over three hundred pantsuits back home in the States. He seemed unimpressed by this, and asked me to come to his villa. My God! I have never seen such a collection. Pantsuits as far as the eye could see, in every hue imaginable. Gold, brown, silver, cerulean, lime green….”
“We both realized that someone who has such a deep affinity for pantsuits can’t be all that bad, and we pledged to resolve our differences from that moment onward. Kim Jong Un wept openly upon seeing the gift I had for him, and promised to only nuke us ‘a little bit.’”