Helicopter Parent Miraculously Saves Student from College Final

NASHVILLE — Freshman Daniel Goldstein of Vanderbilt University postponed studying for Chem 101 throughout the semester in order to establish a “good social foundation” for the rest of his college career.

Making Chem 101 even more of an uphill battle, Goldstein fell ill with mono during the first month of the semester — a fact his mother made sure his professor knew.

Mrs. Goldstein managed to get her son exempted from his final exam. “The key,” she said, “is that they know your son as more than just a student. They need to see the person.”

“That woman is bat$hit crazy,” said Dr. Lawler, Goldstein’s chemistry professor. “In 25 years of teaching I thought I’d seen it all, but she probably still wipes her son’s ass, too.”

When we reached out to Mrs. Goldstein for comment, she would neither confirm or deny the professor’s statement.

She left shortly after by way of helicopter to “advocate” for her daughter’s borderline grade at Stanford.

Most Popular

To Top