Politics

‘Heads Will Roll:’ Millennials Unveil Guillotine Rental Business

NEW YORK CITY — Is your labor being exploited? Is it finally time to seize the means of production at YOUR workplace? Fear not, because now, there’s Revolution Rental Services.

Revolution Rental Services was opened earlier this month by Millennial brothers Vladimir and Dmitri Lagunov. They refer to their enterprise as “the only ethical consumption under capitalism.”

“We were working as waiters at a local restaurant,” Vladimir told The Millennial Snowflake. “Our boss treated us like garbage; he was constantly barking orders, providing few sick days, et cetera. When he cut our benefits, we decided that enough was enough. We built a guillotine and did what had to be done.”

“Eventually, we realized that this could be a service that we could provide to comrades all over the country,” Dmitri continued. “We charge a small fee for building costs and shipment. However, for those who are in dire need of our services, striking coal miners and the like, we offer our guillotines free of charge.”

They say that Millennials kill industries,” Vladimir observed. “So, we decided to create one.”

“Remember folks, the bourgeoisie will stop at nothing to ensure that you are alienated from your labor. Call us now. After all, you have nothing to lose but your chains.”

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