WASHINGTON DC — Wednesday afternoon the White House called a press conference to address the myriad issues currently afflicting the United States. As Trump continues to escalate tensions with North Korea, moving the country to the brink of war, a series of natural disasters has ravaged Texas and Florida as well as U.S. territory Puerto Rico. Meanwhile, Trump has drawn massive criticism on both sides of the party lines with his decision to focus on the peaceful protests of NFL players instead of trying to commit aid to Puerto Rico, which could be without electricity and basic utilities for months to come. However, in typical Trump fashion, he doubled down on his stance and defended his apparent priorities at the press conference.
“The fake news wants to say ‘oh, he doesn’t care about Puerto Rico.’ Let me tell you, no president has ever done more for the people of Puerto Rico than me. Ask anyone. Obama didn’t even visit Puerto Rico. Not once. I’m gonna make sure the Puerto Ricans are well taken care of,” assured Trump.
“Why do you keep tweeting about NFL players kneeling during the national anthem? Aren’t there bigger issues to focus on?” asked a reporter from The Millennial Snowflake before secret servicemen carried him away kicking and screaming. Trump’s orange face turned red with rage, signifying that he was preparing to go off script and speak from his hate-filled black heart.
“Standing for the national anthem is the reich thing to do. It’s that simple. Many great, great men have fought and died so that those ungrateful sons of bitches could make millions of dollars. Those owners need to do the reich thing and fire those SOB’s.”
Trump seemed entirely unaware or simply unbothered by the fact that he referenced Nazi Germany, not once but twice, paying homage to Hitler’s Third Reich. The reporters were in a frenzy to ask him further questions, but the press conference ended shortly after. The incident certainly did not help Trump against the claims that he is a white nationalist.
At press time, Trump announced that anyone, who legally migrates to the United States would be required to wear a gold star at all times in order to further establish a “properly vetted” immigration process.