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EXCLUSIVE: Letter from the Frontlines of the War on Christmas

Recently, The Millennial Snowflake Research Center (MSRC) recovered some letters sent by soldiers to their families during the War on Christmas. The following is an excerpt from the archive:

Dearly Beloved,

I write to you in the throngs of utmost despair. I honestly don’t know how much longer I can survive in this barren wasteland, devoid of Christmas cheer.

Santa has decreed that all soldiers are to sing Christmas songs, in an effort to boost the morale of our forlorn regiment. However, at this point, the echoes of “Jingle Bells” ring hollow in our ears.

I think of you often, and know that my service among these men and elves, however arduous, will not be in vain. I fight so that my children may say “Merry Christmas,” as they drink from their Starbucks cups, emblazoned with symbols of Yuletide cheer.

However, fear grows steadily in my heart that I may not return home alive. The hordes of soulless heathens, with their blasphemous disregard for our way of life, often seem too powerful. While we struggle to maintain Christmas spirit, they mercilessly churn out propaganda, emboldening their ranks.

Hang the stockings above the fireplace, my love. We will celebrate upon my return, either in this life or the next.

Wishing you the Merriest of Christmases,

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