EXCLUSIVE: Inside The Millennial Snowflake’s Russian Troll Factory

MOSCOW, RUSSIA — After a long and contentious Midterm Election season, we here at The Millennial Snowflake have decided to finally provide a glimpse into our top secret trolling operation. We hope that doing so will offer opportunities for recruitment, as we look toward expansion.

Our Moscow based operation is very sophisticated. First, potential employees are subjected to a rigorous interview process, during which we quiz them on their knowledge of popular culture and American politics. We then test them on their ability to shitpost effectively. Based on their strengths, we sort them into either the Dank Memes Division (DMD), the Shitposting Division (SPD), or the Satire Division (SD}, all of which report directly to President Putin himself.

Following an exhaustive background check, our workers toil tirelessly in their cubicles, generating offensive memes, writing deliberately misleading articles, and infiltrating pro-Trump and Republican Facebook groups.

During our background screenings, we naturally privilege those who have an expertise in internet trolling. However, we also value workers with prior experience in telemarketing, and those who have worked at the Department of Motor Vehicles.

Some employees tirelessly work for over fifteen hours per day with little pay. However, they do so completely voluntarily. As far as benefits go, we provide vodka and borscht to our most diligent trolls, which they are free to consume during their monthly two minute breaks.

“Knowing that I’m doing my part for the Motherland is compensation enough,” Dmitri Vasilev, otherwise known as “John Johnson,” told us in an email. “What more could I possibly want?”

We also receive direct advisement from George Soros, who provides us with instructions on how to dismantle capitalism through a coordinated disinformation campaign.

“I want nothing more than to watch gleefully as Communism thrives throughout our nation. Do all that you can to bring this design to fruition. If that means undermining faith in our political system, then all the better. The days of bourgeois dominance are numbered, thanks to the efforts of comrades like yourselves,” Soros told us, during a secret meeting with the Illuminati.

If you would like to join our Moscow based disinformation campaign, please call 1-800-TROLOLO. Operators are standing by.

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