ATLANTA — On Thursday morning, executives at Maven Marketing & Media had a problem of mammoth proportions on their hands. A disgruntled employee stormed into a board meeting and refused to leave.
“He took up half the room, and just stood there. It was so uncomfortable,” said MM&M Chief Executive Officer Daniel Henderson. “We started referring to him as the elephant in the room, which is fair, considering that he is a literal elephant.”
The other executives reportedly grew terrified of the four-legged proboscidea as he swept his trunk across the table, knocking their coffee and notes to the floor.
“I have very thick skin,” he said. “But I’m tired of always being called the elephant in the room. I have a name and it’s Mike. You can’t reference me anytime something makes you feel uncomfortable. I’m not your scapegoat. I’m a living, breathing mammal with thoughts and feelings just like you.”
Mike presided over the meeting as the trembling executives tried to get through the rest of their agenda.
“I never even gave it a second thought,” said Henderson. “If something was awkward and it was a clear and obvious problem, we’d always called it the elephant in the room. Now, I understand why Mike found that offensive. It’s disparaging to an entire species.”
At press time, the executive team sent out a company-wide apology, which they also used as an opportunity to improve employee relations.
“We all make mistakes,” said Mike. “They’re apology felt sincere, and it’s not like any of them wear ivory, so now harm, no foul.”