THE BRONX, NEW YORK – Constituents in New York’s 14th District were shocked to learn that Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the progressive upstart candidate and darling of the proletariat, is not listed as an organ donor.
“Well, clearly, she doesn’t fight for the interests of all working people. What about people in desperate need of a heart transplant? Where are you for them, Alexandria?” William Brown, a cab driver from Queens, inquired in a statement to The Millennial Snowflake.
“For that matter, how dare she have the audacity to still have both of her kidneys intact? An advocate for the working class would have donated at least one of them to a factory worker experiencing renal failure. The selfish attitude of these young ‘progressives’ makes me physically ill,” Harold Bormann, a plumber from thee Bronx, remarked.
For his part, Ocasio-Cortez’s Republican opponent, Anthony Pappas, appears to have seized on the public’s outrage. He has referred to her on several occasions as a “champagne socialist,” who ought to donate a portion of her liver to a patient suffering from a rare ailment.
“The socialist credo is as follows: ‘To each according to their ability, from each according to their need.’ Bob Miller, a young man suffering from an excruciating liver disease, will die without treatment. As such, how can Ms. Ocasio-Cortez, who claims to represent these principles, turn this poor young soul away?” He demanded at a rally in Queens.
“We aren’t asking for much. We only want Ms. Ocasio-Cortez to offer a lobe of her liver, and to uphold her own values, in so doing,” Pappas concluded.
In a recent Gallup poll, 85% of constituents in the 14th District indicated that this issue would be a deciding factor in their November vote.