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Conflicted Belichick Considering Throwing Super Bowl to Keep Tom Brady From Winning Sixth Ring

Bill Belichick considers throwing Super Bowl to keep Tom Brady from winning sixth Super Bowl ring.

FOXBOROUGH, MA — New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick reportedly sat in his inner sanctum contemplating his legacy after the Patriots defeated the Jacksonville Jaguars in the AFC Championship. He weighed the pros of adding a sixth Super Bowl to his otherworldly coaching resume against the con of Tom Brady winning another super bowl. “On one hand, it would be nice to separate myself from any other head coach by an extra two super bowl wins, a feat that would be virtually impossible to match,” he whispered to himself. “On the other hand, winning a sixth Super Bowl would mean Tom Brady gets one too, cementing his legacy as the greatest quarterback, if not player of all time. His records will be utterly unapproachable.” Numerous reports suggest Belichick is considering throwing the game to keep Brady from winning another ring, a problem that he says could have been avoided had the Patriots kept backup quarterback Jimmy Garappolo. “Fools,” he muttered. “I could’ve won just as well with Jimmy in at the helm. They’re all pawns in my game. I would have proven that once and for all had it not been for Brady’s interference in my master plan.” At press time, a conflicted Belichick was reportedly taking his “secret staircase” down to the abyss to ask for a final favor.

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