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Church That’s Totally Not a Cult Comes Up With Catchy Phrase to Describe Ex-Members

Religious sheep sing and smile as cult leader lies to them.

ATLANTA — The Everflowing River Jordan Church, which is totally not a cult by the way, is now employing the phrase “fallen away” to describe those who have stopped attending the church. At first, the church sends a few current members to the homes of the fallen away. If the ex-member won’t come back, the church elders lead the congregation to pray for the “miserable wretch’s soul.” The elders attribute an awful moral disease to them breaking away. The church proudly proclaims itself to be a teacher of the Word as it was intended to be told, unlike other places of worship. It also encourages its members, known as “the family,” to give their best offerings as Abel did in the bible. The church prefers check, but cash is fine, too. While the elders are reportedly ecstatic about the “fallen away” phrase they came up, saying that its similarity to “passed away” really emphasizes that the ex-members are dead to them, they are even more thrilled about their new slogan, “It’s our river, or no river.”

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