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Chipotle Giving Away Skid-Proof Underwear with Every Purchase of a Large Burrito

Chipotle burrito filled with chicken, corn, and a variety of other ingredients.

DENVER — The American fast-casual food chain Chipotle is giving away skid-proof underwear with every purchase of a large burrito.

While the company has been through a number of controversies in recent times, including a norovirus outbreak in July 2017, Chipotle has countered them with a string a promotions and giveaways.

“We love our customers,” said CEO Steve Ellis, “and of course, we’ve heard the jokes about our food giving people the you-know-what’s, so we kind of wanted to play into it with a tongue-in-cheek promotional.”

Chipotle was actually featured on South Park in the season thirteen episode “Dead Celebrities.” Billie Mays advertises a number of products throughout the show including Chipotlaway. According to Mays, people are defecating blood after consuming their food, and the fictional product helps to remove blood and stains from underwear. In a case of real life parodying itself, Chipotle’s skid proof is only a slight tweak of the farcical South Park product.

This past month, Chipotle hired a team of scientists to test whether or not the claims that its food is a diarrhetic are indeed true. Their findings were decidedly confirmed customer complaints. However, in addition to giving away skid-proof underwear, the fast-casual food chain has been advertising itself as a weight loss solution.

“Our portion sizes are great and we’re high in fiber,” said Ellis. “It’s the perfect storm really. But I think people have been looking at it the wrong way. How can you pack on the pounds if the food won’t stay around?”

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