BEIJING, CHINA – Recently, Chinese censors have decided to ban the popular children’s classic, “Winnie The Pooh,” from all internet and televised communications. Reports indicate that they chose to do so due to the supposed “anti-Communist rhetoric” in a recently unearthed, hidden episode.
The episode, entitled “In Praise of the Martyrs at Tiananmen Square,” features the lovable gang of woodland creatures praising the pro-Democracy protests in 1989, and criticizing the harsh crackdown of these peaceful activities by the government.
“The wonderful thing about Tiggers, is that we harshly condemn anyone who hinders the practice of freedom of thought and expression,” Tigger says in the controversial piece, as he bounces around on his tail.
“I’m so rumbly in my tumbly, because of my painful yearning for justice, in regard to the crimes of the Chinese government!” Winnie the Pooh exclaims.
“We simply cannot take chances by allowing for the distribution of such reactionary material! Winnie the Pooh embodies the evils of Western decadence and bourgeoise oppression of the proletariat,” explained Liu Qibao, head of the Publicity Department of the Communist Party of China.
“Soon, if we allow this behavior to continue, it could lead to the downfall of our entire government! Oh sure, Winnie the Pooh seems cute and innocent, but underneath it all, he’s just filthy capitalist swine. We cannot put our children in danger by exposing them to his opulence, his Western gluttony,” Qibao continued in a statement.
When reached for comment, President Xi Jinping was quoted as saying “Oh, bother!”
Also being considered for removal by the ruling Communist Party is the Canadian children’s show, “Caillou.”
“Just look at that whiny little twerp. I don’t want our citizens becoming little bitches like this fucking kid,” Qibao replied, when asked by local reporters why he would seek to ban such a show.