Politics
-
131Coronavirus Tests Positive for Rand Paul
WASHINGTON D.C. — Coronavirus, otherwise known as COVID-19, recently went to the hospital after displaying a series of worrying symptoms. “I recently...
-
232Biden Begs Young Voters to Stop Looking into His Senate Record: ‘Just Trust Me.’
Jacksonville, FL — During a town hall in Jacksonville on Friday, former Vice President Joe Biden gave a speech, during which he...
-
444The Millennial Snowflake Agrees to Make Memes for Bloomberg Campaign
ATLANTA — Recently, we at headquarters received a call from Mike Bloomberg’s presidential campaign. A representative asked our CEO if we would...
-
370Iowa DNC Declares Everyone Winners. Because Why the Fuck Not?
DES MOINES, IOWA — After a long delay in releasing the results of the Iowa caucuses, the Iowa Democratic Party has decided...
-
175Sanders Touts Tax Plan: ‘It’s This or the Guillotines.’
LOS ANGELES — In a speech on the campaign trail, Sanders issued an ultimatum to billionaires around the country: “It’s this or...
