Local
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1.7KHow You Can Use This Whole Blood Moon Lunar Eclipse Thing to Justify Your Batshit Crazy Behavior Based On Your Horoscope
Mars is making its closest approach to Earth in 15 years, right as the full moon blushes red in the longest blood...
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1.0KOPINION: I Make $100M per Year, and Democratic Socialism is Bad
SCARSDALE, NEW YORK – As a wealthy businessman, who pulled himself up by his bootstraps and a sizable trust fund, I can...
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864Local Man Thinks that People in MAGA Hats Should ‘Keep it to Themselves’
MANHATTAN, NEW YORK – On his way home from his job as a pharmacist, Christopher Mattis was shocked to find a man...
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340Local Man Courageously Rejects ‘Male’ Scented Hygiene Products
MILWAUKEE, WISCONSIN – Charles Durmer, a 27 year old Starbucks barista, recently decided that he would no longer use any scented hygiene...
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455Report: On Independence Day, Charles Darwin Watched Natural Selection at Work from Hell
7TH LAYER OF HELL – According to infernal sources, this Independence Day, Charles Darwin enthusiastically spectated from Hell, as natural selection took...
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477Study Finds Valentine’s Day More Dangerous Than 4th of July
Naturally, many would assume that July Fourth, the most explosive holiday next to New Year’s, is the most dangerous. As it turns...
