Entertainment

Brazzers to Release Asexual Pornography

MONTREAL, CANADA — On Tuesday, Feras Antoon, the CEO of Brazzers’ parent company, MindGeek, announced that Brazzers will begin producing films catered to asexuals.

“We live in a time of openness and inclusivity, and no one incapsulates this spirit better than Brazzers,” Antoon said during a press conference. “That is why we are expanding our market to include asexuals.”

Sensing the public’s skepticism, Antoon remarked on the rationale for his ambitious project.

“We’ve all seen those tired porn scenarios: the horny babysitter, the lonely housewife with the pool boy, the pizza delivery guy serving up extra sausage. Imagine all of that, but with unexpected outcomes: the kids are well looked after, the pool actually gets cleaned up, and the hungry patron gets their pizza.”

In a separate meeting with investors, Antoon emphasized that this new direction promises to be extremely cost effective.

“Do you know how much money we waste on these actors with huge cocks and silicon tits? Well, not anymore! For these asexual videos, we will hire ordinary people, and film everyday situations. Just imagine how much we will save, and I promise that as loyal investors, those savings will be returned to you!”

Meanwhile, pornographic actors are less optimistic about this new direction.

“Can you imagine how hard it is to do what I do, no pun intended?” Steven Wolfe, known in the industry as Johnny Sins, told The Millennial Snowflake. “And now, these damn scabs are coming in and threatening everything I’ve worked for!”

Brazzers is set to release the film collection in the fall.

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