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Billionaires March to Raise Awareness for Affluenza

LOS ALTOS HILLS — Tens of billionaires, along with thousands of paid protestors, descended on Los Altos Hills on Thursday to raise awareness for affluenza.

The People of Means March featured speeches from such renowned entrepreneurs as Jeff Bezos, Mark Zuckerberg, and Elon Musk.

“Affluenza impacts thousands of people per year,” Bezos said during an impassioned address. “Some young People of Means end up late to important shareholder meetings, because their chauffeur just had to be there for his kid’s chemotherapy treatment. Other kids go hungry, because they can’t prepare their own Almas caviar, and their chef refused to work overtime with no pay. We shouldn’t be forced to endure such egregious injustices!”

The Amazon CEO’s speech was met with thunderous applause, as protestors carried signs with such slogans as “We’re Here, We’re Rich, Get Over It,” and “Fuck the Poor.”

“We demand that affluenza be recognized as a serious illness, which severely impacts the ability of People of Means to function in ordinary society,” Musk forcefully maintained during his speech. “Some of us just weren’t bred for quotidian drudgery; we were made for greatness, and the rest of the world must learn to respect that.”

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