Politics

Assad “Pretty Stoked” Trump was Sensible Enough to Join Syria in Exposing the Climate Change Hoax

PARIS — Over 150 world leaders gathered in Paris to address the global effects of climate change, unified by hopes that a collective international effort can avert catastrophic future consequences for the Earth.

The United States joined Syria and Nicaragua as the only countries in the world to exempt themselves from the Paris Agreement.

“Climate change is a scam,” announced Donald Trump as he spit his chewing tobacco, and pushed his way through the other leaders to get to the podium. “Al Gore was a big problem. Trust me, I’d know, but then Obama came along and made things very, very bad. He made a huge mistake, You’re being scammed people. Coal is the way of the future. We need to bring coal plants back. One for every corner. Lots of jobs. Huge opportunity in coal. China gets it.”

Nicaragua offered a nifty explanation for not being a part of the agreement, citing two factors. The first, being that “voluntary responsibility is a path to failure,” in regards to the voluntary nature of the agreement. The second being that “rich countries should pay more for climate change, as they were historically responsible for causing more damage to the environment and developing nations such as Nicaragua would be hit the hardest.”

When the agreement was first created, basically nobody liked Syria, making their involvement unlikely. The Paris meetings also coincided through some of the most-tension filled years of civil conflict in Syria’s history. Assad’s government has been accused of a long-list of human rights violations, with casualties mounting to the tens of thousands. Reportedly, because Assad has been killing his own people, he felt asking his people to reduce their carbon emissions would be “like super awkward.”

However, it’s also been reported that Assad is a big fan of Trump and is “pretty stoked” the U.S. was sensible enough to join the likes of Syria and Nicaragua as the last defense against the climate change hoax.

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