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Area Man Threatens Girlfriend with Sex Boycott, Successful Male-Initiated Boycotts Hold Steady at Zero Percent

text version of a boycott.

MARIETTA, GA — Feeling under-appreciated, area man Conrad Garnett decided to boycott sex with his girlfriend Francesca Garcia. When Garnett first told her of his decision, Garcia laughed hysterically, believing it to be a joke. She soon learned how serious he was.

The day prior to his announcement, Garcia was reported to have been complaining that Garnett only wanted sex, and never spent “actual time” with her. In an effort to counteract her complaint, he spent the following day deliberately taking Garcia out to a number of restaurants, including getting Malaysian food and boba, two of her favorite things. Additionally, he offered to walk along the river with her, but Garcia had other plans in mind.

Whether it was curiosity or the excitement of the challenge, Garcia asked her boyfriend to “Netflix and chill,” knowing their past patterns. Garnett never stood a chance. Twenty minutes into Adaptation, the boycott was decidedly over.

For now it seems that successful male-initiated sex boycotts will hold steady at zero percent for the foreseeable future.

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