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Area Man So High He Thinks He’s Drunk Enjoys Midnight Pistachios

Area man stoned out of his mind.

VAN NUYS, CA — Area man Colin Stiller is so high he thinks he’s drunk. After Stiller momentarily lost his sense of time and place as he stared into the open refrigerator, he transitioned to scouring the pantry for a snack to satisfy his cravings.

After freestyle rapping to J Dilla’s beats, then reading about Kabbalism on Wikipedia, then reading some more about the Illuminati and Anonymous, Stiller began devouring pistachios. At press time, Stiller, who dabbles with writing, was in the middle of trying to write a coherent article with a true beginning, middle, and end. However, he was way too stoned to properly tell a story with any real point to it.

While it was fun, Stiller says he probably won’t get that high again any time soon.

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