Area Man At Party Trying to Edge Way Into Conversation Circle to Hide Fact He’s Alone and Probably Going to Die That Way

Area man tries to break into conversation circles to hide fact he is alone and will probably die that way.

BUCKHEAD, GA — Area man Don Tagliati arrived at a kickback at Al Mata, a long-time friend’s apartment. The gathered party consisted mostly of Mata’s coworkers and college pals. Thirty minutes into the get-together, the attendees naturally formed various conversation circles. However, Tagliati ended up lingering outside of all of them. Desperate to hide the fact that he is alone and will probably die alone too, Tagliati surveyed the room to see which circle appeared to have the lowest barrier to entry. “At first, I wanted to see what group looked like the most fun to join and talk to,” said Tagliati. “Then I realized that I just needed to go wherever there was a physical space for me to fit into one of the circles.” The problem with this plan, as Tagliati soon recognized for himself, was that each member stood facing each other. Seemingly entranced by the scintillating conversations, they were unaware or unwilling to reangle their shoulders to make way for the newcomer. Tagliati maneuvered outside of the groups, laughing at their stories to appear to be an active participant and not the repelling monstrosity that he really is. After about fifteen minutes of lurking on the periphery, Tagliati pretended to check his texts when in reality he had none because no one loves him and he will inevitably die alone in a bed meant for two. By the end of the night, the sad, pathetic man was last seen binge eating the chips and guacamole and had resigned himself to handing out napkins to the other guests as they plated their food.

To Top