Politics

White House Aides Hide Leftover Halloween Candy from Nervous Trump

Donald Trump nervously gorges on leftover Halloween candy.

WASHINGTON DC — Special Counsel Robert Mueller charged Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort and his longtime business associate Rick Gates with conspiracy against the U.S. Other charges against the duo include being unregistered foreign agents, seven counts of failure to file reports of foreign bank and financial accounts, and money laundering.

Trump tweeted that there was “NO COLLUSION” shortly after the charges were handed down to Manafort and Gates. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, George Papadopoulos pleaded guilty to lying to the F.B.I. Federal investigators had suspected that Russian intelligence services used intermediaries to contact Papadopoulos to gain influence with the campaign by offering “dirt” on Hillary Clinton, including “thousands of emails.” Since the guilty plea came out, Trump has been frantically tweeting and attacking Papadopoulos’ character, while also making himself appear more than a little suspicious along the way.

Inside the White House, aides have been forced to hide the leftover Halloween candy from a visibly distraught Trump. Communications Director Hope Hicks distracted the POTUS long enough for Sarah Huckabee Sanders to sneak into the Oval Office and snag the massive bowl of candy.

“He really loves Butterfingers and candy corn, but he left all of the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and Hershey’s” says Sanders. “I’m not sure I really know who he is anymore. This whole fake Russia story is taking a toll on him.”

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